Guide For New Parents

Many magazines like to discuss how expensive babies are. They calculate the cost of diapers, clothes, childcare, the birth, and so on, and by the end of the article people can feel like no one can afford to reproduce except those that have a six-figure income. But do babies have to be that expensive? I find a lot of such articles make many assumptions that just aren't true for a lot of people. So for new parents who might be overwhelmed with the cost of everything, I thought I would write a post sharing some cost-saving information. None of the information is designed to tell you what to do, but rather to offer an alternative that you may wish to consider.

Setting up the nursery. First, parents have to buy all those necessities like cribs, bassinets, a glider, and so on. Or...wait a minute. Are all these actually necessities? With our first child we bought a crib, but by the time she was seven weeks old we stopped using it and it ended up being a waste of money. So although pediatricians, nurses, and government campaigns like to warn parents about the dangers of sleeping with baby, we need to consider the evidence. First though, I'd like to give a definition of cosleeping: cosleeping is sleeping in close proximity to your child. This includes a baby in a crib that is in the same room as the parents as well as babies that sleep in a cosleeper next to the parents' bed, and also babies that sleep in the same bed as their parent(s). All of these sleeping arrangements can be safe, if done properly. It is NOT safe, however, to have your new baby sleep in a crib that is in a separate room. All babies need the close physical proximity of a parent or committed caregiver.

Now that that's out of the way, I'd like to address bedsharing specifically, since having a crib in the parents' room or having a cosleeper is not controversial. The Notre Dame Mother-Infant Behavioral Sleep Lab has studied in-depth the sleeping habits of mothers and infants in a variety of settings. They have concluded that for breastfed infants, bedsharing can be safer than baby sleeping on a separate surface. They have found that the breastfeeding relationship is so unique that it must be considered when thinking about infant sleep. First of all, babies who share a bed with their mother nurse more frequently, which is good for babies, but even though this seems like it would be bad for mothers, this arrangement helps women get more sleep. Though bedsharing mothers tend to rouse more frequently to suckle or check on their baby, they tend to get more restful sleep as they do not have to get up in the middle of the night and stay awake and alert during feedings, and wait to go back to sleep until after they have gotten their baby back to sleep in the crib. Bedsharing mothers can rouse lightly and stay in bed and fall asleep more quickly after waking. Also, the mother's warmth and breathing helps to regulate baby's temperature and breathing.

So, if you feel that you might be comfortable with bedsharing, here are some tips to do it safely.

• The sleeping surface must be firm, flat, and smoke-free. Couches, futons, soft or old mattresses that sag in places are not safe for baby.
• The mattress should be low to the ground. Our bed is not on a frame, so should baby ever roll off, she doesn't have far to fall.
• Big, cushy blankets should not be used. Thinner blankets are safer than comforters. Blankets and pillows should be kept away from baby's face.
• Baby should sleep on her back and next to an adult, not other children.
• Obviously, someone under the influence of drugs or alcohol should not bedshare, but also someone who is over-tired.

For a more comprehensive article on bedsharing, you may want to read this. So is a nursery even necessary? If you plan on your child sleeping in a crib in a separate room when they are older, or as a place to store baby items, it might be useful, but it depends on your family. As far as baby furniture goes, the only thing I have found that I really like having is a changing table, preferably one with a rail to prevent baby from rolling off. (Just trust me, a little rail will save you a lot of mommy-guilt.) But if you go with the changing table, remember that you'll want it to be accessible to wherever baby will be spending most of their time. Assuming baby will be where the parents are when they are home, this will be wherever the parents spend the majority of their time. If you have a two-story house, you might not want to trek up and down the stairs every time baby needs a diaper change.

Birth of baby. So everyone knows that hospital births are expensive, right? What people may not know is that for low-risk pregnancies, many studies have shown that homebirths are as safe if not safer than hospital births.¹ Though that could be a blog post all its own, I will just state that many hospitals do routine procedures without medical reason, which can cause complications where none existed before, such as administering pitocin to begin or speed up labor for example. Not only does pitocin increase the pain of labor (increasing the likelihood of needing pain-relieving drugs) it also increases the chances of fetal distress as it decreases the amount of oxygen going to the baby. You can read more about pitocin here. Also, the cesarean rate in this country is around 33%, over twice what the World Health Organization says it should be, which means that doctors are performing many unnecessary cesareans. Women with cesarean births have more difficulty breastfeeding, can have difficulty bonding with their baby, have higher instance of postpartum depression, have much more pain and longer recovery time, and their babies are more likely to have respiratory problems, to name a few complications. You may find more information about cesareans here. If a woman is a candidate for a homebirth, she may wish to consider it. Although insurance does not always cover homebirths with a midwife, depending on the insurance, some women find that it is cheaper to pay the total cost of the homebirth out of pocket than their 10% or 20% copay from a hospital birth. Typically midwives charge a set fee which includes all prenatal visits, the birth, and also the postpartum visits. Some midwives also operate on a sliding scale for those who have difficulty paying the full price. 

Clothes. I don't know about you, but I was never a person who frequented garage sales. Before I got married, I had a job for a little while as a companion for a woman who had early-onset dementia. She loved to  go to rummage sales. It was then that I discovered that at least half of the items that people sell are baby clothes, toys, and other items. They are usually in good condition and are really cheap. A whole package of onesies for 10 cents? Yes, please! Keep in mind that your baby will need a whole new wardrobe about every three months, so getting each item for a few dollars or less can be a great help. Sometimes you can get name-brand and high quality clothes much cheaper than buying less-quality clothing brand new. It might be helpful to stock up on all the clothes your baby will need for a year during rummage sale season. The same is true for baby toys, books, strollers (light-weight and portable is good), swings, and so on.

Feeding baby. I have no idea how much money we have saved by breastfeeding our children. Even though WIC would have paid for formula, I know from other people that their baby used more formula than WIC provided, so at the end of the month they still had to spend money on formula which was difficult for them to afford.  If you work you will likely need a good breastpump, but even though pumps are expensive, they are still less expensive than formula. Also, some WIC programs will give free breastpumps for qualifying women returning to work. Breastmilk is not only free, it also saves more money than just what would be spent on formula. Babies who are breastfed have fewer allergies, are not as likely to have asthma, get leukemia, die from SIDS, get colds, flu, or ear infections; they have decreased risk of some cancers and even heart disease as an adult. For employers, this can mean less missed work from employees staying home with sick infants and children, lower group health insurance rates, and less lost wages for the parents.  For other posts on this topic you can go here or here. 

Diapers. This is just one of those unavoidable, absolute necessities, right? Sort of. There are about a million other things that I can think of that I'd rather spend our limited money on than diapers. As it turns out, there are ways to greatly reduce the number of diapers one uses, and I'm not talking about just waiting to change the diaper until it is so full that it's falling off and your baby has diaper rash. I'm talking about elimination communication. I wish I had heard of this when our first child was born and we were dirt poor, but as it turns out I didn't really learn about it until our second was almost two. But even at her old age, we implemented some of its principles and found our daughter quickly transitioned from the use of diapers to using the potty effortlessly and naturally. This was a stark contrast to the headache and struggles we experienced after trying to toilet train our first the conventional way. The younger one actually ended up being completely diaper free sooner than her older sister. In hindsight, maybe it wasn't such a good idea to take potty-training advice from diaper manufacturers, huh?

There are many different levels of elimination communication, or EC. Some do it full time and try to never have their child go in a diaper. Others do it as it's convenient, such as when they are home or after the baby wakes from a nap. The basic premise of EC is that human infants, like other mammals, have an innate need to not eliminate where they sleep and eat, and even very young infants can communicate their need to go potty. Parents try to learn their baby's cues, and also their schedule, and offer their infant the potty when they think the baby needs to go, rather than just waiting until the infant wets or soils the diaper and taking care of the waste after the fact. Typically parents will hold the baby over the toilet or potty chair and use some sort of cue sound, like pss pss pss, that lets the baby know he can go potty now. Even if done part time, babies never fully get used to going in a diaper (as it's not comfortable) and so the transition to using the potty full time when they are older is much easier as they tend to prefer it to soiling or wetting themselves. One of the most popular books on the subject is The Diaper Free Baby, but there are many websites also dedicated to the subject for those who wish to learn more.

Of course I must also mention cloth diapers. There are so many varieties now, more than just grandma's prefolds. Some are just as convenient as disposables. You put them on the baby, put them in the diaper pail when done, and wash them every two or three days. If baby is completely breastfed, you don't even need to rinse the diaper first. After baby gets solids and their poo becomes more formed, just shake solid waste into the toilet. So while good cloth diapers are more expensive up front, they save money in the long run. If you are in a city, you may be able to find a diaper service that will supply, wash, and deliver clean diapers to you. There are many different varieties of cloth diapers and many different suppliers; some even offer trial diapers that you can try out first and see what works for you before you buy. Some suppliers also sell them used.

Carseats. Although they are quite popular, there are a few things you may wish to know before you buy an infant carseat that can be used to carry baby around after the car ride is over. Carseats are good at protecting baby in case of an automobile accident, of course, but if used outside the car for long periods of time, there are concerns that their use contributes to flat-head syndrome, poor spinal alignment, and lack of attachment.  You might want to consider buying one carseat that will stay in the car and will last the baby from 5 lbs until around 40 lbs, (when they will be ready for a booster seat around the age of four). It might be beneficial for you to leave the carseat in the car and use a sling or wrap for use outside the car. Not only does baby-wearing give infants the touch and handling that they need for proper attachment and brain-development, slings and wraps also distribute the weight for easier carrying and free up your hands (and shopping cart) for carrying other items.

If you are a new parent, I hope you found some of the information useful. Feel free to add additional money-saving ideas in the comments. Thank you for visiting!

Footnotes:

1.  Cassidy, Tina. Birth: The Surprising History of How We Are Born. New York: Grove Press, 2006. (p. 73) Print. http://www.amazon.com/Birth-Surprising-History-How-Born/dp/B001F51WM4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1308187868&sr=8-1

Links:

Trust Birth

Elimination Communication